HBO’s ‘The Last Of Us’ opens a page from my 2013
It was the 14th of June, 2013…
And I had no idea how the year is going to be, or even my life in general. 4 months ago, I went back to the place that I was born and had always evaded and borderline hated, to cremate my last living parent.
2013 was a shocker. With a heavy heart and a due of 7 lakh Indian rupees to be paid back to the bank, borrowed by my father, I embraced the month of January like it was hell on my little piece of earth. There was noise, uncertainty and commotion in general surrounding that year. But somehow I kept pushing forward. Figuring out a place for my younger brother who still had a year to tick off schooling, I finally came back to Delhi, where I worked. I was welcomed back to the advertising organisation with an accolade from New York, perhaps the country’s first digital agency to make a scratch at the coveted OneShow; I would probably be the youngest writer to do so at 24–25. But the loss was bigger, and I never highlighted that stint in my career with no grunt whatsoever. Such was the year, of letting go of good moments, people, in a flash, unknowingly, uncomfortably.
Months passed, as the heart tried to mend on its own, although sometimes spiralling back to its state of shock, with a simple call from the bank. “Hello! We would like you to start the repayment process, otherwise we would have to call upon legal action.” I was 24, what my father owed the bank every month, was what I’d live by. Then came June. And I was starting to do two jobs to stay on track with what was needed. And whenever I would save some cash, I would go to the video game store and buy me some cheap old games. Video Games helped me heal, they were like JD on Coke for me. It was on an evening like this, that I chanced upon God Of War: Ascension, a game that was supposed to be a prequel to one of the better games I’ve played on my console, GOW3. I picked it up and read a tiny disclaimer: “This game includes a free demo of the upcoming Naughty Dog title The Last Of Us”. I had no clue what The Last Of Us was, but sure it sounded intense.
I said, “Why not? I mean it was the perfect year for intensity.”
This was the picture from June 2013, when I had first received my copy of The Last Of Us, and yes I unknowingly went for the Collector’s Edition (games used to be way cheaper on launch dates back then). When I booted the game, I immediately fell in love with it. Shimmery curtains swaying in the wind, vegetation seeping through the window reclaiming the world in sunlight and green, and pollens blowing through the air. For the first few days, I would just stare at the landing screen and collect my energy. It was meditative and raw.
I didn’t expect anything that I experienced for the next 18–20 hours. The game started on a night in Texas, as Sarah, Joel’s daughter woke up from her sleep after wishing her father a happy birthday; and saw the entire city engulfed in some sort of a civil war, from her windows. The next one hour was perhaps the most emotional side of The Last Of Us, as the game director and chief storyteller, Neil Druckmann kept throwing curve balls in the name of a video game. The word video game changed for me, and perhaps for the world, forever. It was past midnight, and I was in tears, perhaps for the first time in the year; for I have this habit of going complete cold in times the world hits back at me. But not this time. This felt so real, like personal grief.
Seeing the same sequence yet again, this time through the shoulders of the genius actor Pedro Pascal, it took me back by a whole ten years. I saw my demons yet again, I saw my 25 year old struggling to cope for half a year yet again. What most of the people who played this game won’t tell you is that the first few hours test your emotions inside out but also leaves you ready and steady to risk anything in order to not repeat the prologue. You develop anti-bodies to fight the cordyceps and the cruel ways of this so-called video game. The Last Of Us is as much about loss as it is about hoping and gaining. An Ellie for a Sarah, a vaccine for a disease, a smaller-thicker community for a broader superficial world.
In The Last Of Us, as much as the world is crumbling, infected citizens given hope and being shot at, there’s still ways and time for reform. And if not complete reform and going back to how it was, it was about making the most of what remains. That remained my path for the years to come.
In Joel, flashes of a failed parent emerged, flashes of how my father’s last days with me remained. Caring to give a damn, but unable to sincerely express it. In Troy Baker’s heavy voice, I found both fear and comfort, traits I always admired in the person I cremated back in January. The game became personal, it became a piece of me that was latched for eternity. And that’s why January 16th 2023 seemed like a dream yet again. Waking up at 6:30AM Indian time to match USA’s premier time, and seeing it happen all over again, albeit in live action.
This note to self is not a review or recap of what you should experience while watching the pilot. This is a deja-vu that makes me realise that after all these years, hustling out many jobs, living in many cities and settling down with someone I love, I am still a bit broken on the inside. It makes me vulnerable, it makes me believe that the world isn’t ready for a massive war on emotions and vulnerability. When there was panic all around during the pandemic, I remember how I would curl up against the sofa and see the news 24x7. It was barely about being safe myself, I had people to care for. And that’s what breaks you down, more than a bullet, more than an insult, more than a strain of cordyceps.
Within the 80 minutes pilot, I could see the nature reclaimed skylines of Boston yet again, the sound of clickers alerting through layers of dead silence and an even better Joel (despite Troy Baker raising immense standards) living through every moment, trying to heal and distract himself from questioning his very existence. The Last Of Us (2013) arrived at a time when zombie games were literally plaguing the world. And it showed a different side of that apocalyptic world, through human connections. I was also in this The Walking Dead phase back then, and it made perfect sense about how the two fictional universes were so much about humans and the ones left behind, than that about zombies or the undead. These recurring thoughts all came back like an old relative, swarming my mind with so many good, bad and tainted memories.
The Last Of Us (2013) had such an effect on my mind that at one point of time, I was confident of ending my 3 year stint with advertising and sending Naughty Dog a cold mail to help in any way possible, to be associated with this story and franchise that scratched a big hole in my heart. While those are stuff of dreams, I did get to talk with someone from their design team and write an editorial article about it on our gaming website. Yep, that was my second job. I am 35 now and I am not as excited and fizzing as I used to be, at least in the department of contemplating to send cold mails, but I did feel way younger today.
The show just got started and I already have high hopes from the fantastic duo of Pascal-Ramsey and the storytelling capabilities of Mazin-Druckmann. I just hope it remains clinical and respectful of the source material and yet delivers something out of the ordinary, that can strike a chord or pinch a nerve. Video game franchises have had horrible runs as movies and shows (Yes, Resident Evil, you!) and I hope this redeems that department as much as it breaks a few new hearts and gives them hope and solace eventually.
On the technical side of TLOU (2023), I think they got the world spot on. The lighting spot on. The cast spot on. The soundtrack and Santaolalla back on. The fungi infected humans look so real. And my favourite technical part about the show is going to be how they shunned steady cam footage and used shaky camera across all scenes to ensure there’s enough friction in the narrative and immersive effect on consumers, for a piece of fiction you wish you had your joypad on!
And just like I played the original game 6 times in 2013, and eventually got over how the year started, I am looking forward to binging this show many a times, with many new people, including my wife, who hasn’t experienced the year 2013 like how I did. For I threw the controller away when Joel crawled over to check on Sarah.
Here’s an old hag and a returning fan who cannot but wish the best for what’s to come.
P.S. — Don’t follow the light blindly. Don’t trust the Fireflies.
